Redemption in brokenness…
By: Iris Parr
“The very thing we are afraid of, our brokenness, is the door to our Father’s heart.” Paul Miller
I sat there, near the back of the little chapel hearing the murmurings of God’s truth from the pulpit. Good, solid, Godly words being spoken loud and clear, but they only came through as murmurings to me. I willed myself to listen. I begged God for the healing of my shattered heart. Take this fear away, God!
My heart pounded inside my chest and my ears felt thick with cotton. As my mind started swimming and my lungs gasped for air, I grabbed my love’s arm and held on tight. Anything to ground me from the lack of control I was feeling. My sweaty palms were soaking my love’s sleeve as I held on for dear life. Letting go, my hands shook and I repeated these words from Isaiah 41:13, “I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear, I will help you.”
Feeling like I was suffocating, I had to get fresh air. If I stood up to leave, I knew I would collapse in front of everyone. I leaned over to my Love and whispered, “Take me home.” He looked at me, questioning, and saw that I was shaking and desperate. We tried to leave the sanctuary inconspicuously and rushed to the car. I sunk into the cold, January stiff seat.
The days that followed blurred together, like a mirage. I went through the motions of life just to get through the day, but a mixture of a drunken hangover and a jet lag that felt like a prolonged panic attack inhibited my motions. My foggy brain numbness turned into an almost out of body sensation, as if I was watching this life unfold slowly and painfully. Yet that someone was actually me.
Why was this happening? I was stronger than this. Over two thousand years ago, Jesus paid a ransom for my life and yours. He freed us from bondage, from the power of sin and death. We were bought at a great price – death on a cross. If our lives were redeemed on that day, two thousand years ago, then why do we have this suffering and hurt in the world? Then it came to me:
Redemption doesn’t necessarily change or reverse our life situations. Cancer still attacked me 19 years ago. Relationships can still be broken and careers can still break us. Our healthy four-year-old boy still woke up in the arms of Jesus, with no explanation except that our world is fallen and God is sovereign.
Redemption doesn’t change any of these very hard things in life, but it does open doors. It opens doors for self-improvement, self-reformation, healing, and transformation. Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
Redemption is a process, not an event. It is a movement through pain in such a way that we live a more authentic life. It’s a journey. On this journey of everyday life, where our wounds and broken parts of seem so overwhelming, God is doing an amazing work. One we cannot even begin to fathom.
Iris Parr is first and foremost a daughter of the King. She loves God and strives to daily become more and more the woman He longs for her to be. Iris is a lover of words and strives to live authentically. She shares her life with her husband, Jason and they have the honour of raising their 4½ year old daughter Olivia. They daily miss their son, Mikail who unexpectedly woke up in the arms of Jesus at 4½ years old in January 2015. She lives in Canada, near the shores of Lake Huron and shares her journey of life, love, cancer survival, mama grief, secondary infertility, and the exciting and mundane of the everyday at www.irisparr.com. You can follow Iris on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Providing hope to women battling cancer – one Compassion Bag at a time
Support Compassion That Compels